as we once were

trained to kill…we see we are now victims of our own…futile attempts to live at the center of the world…/advocates of all that is downtrodden and ill-gotten…/we have become the passionless and obscene…/riding on the waveless low-tide of mediocrity….how can we now claim to be blessed of the Father…/I laugh at my foolish illusions now…/those dreams of grandeur and free-flowing honor…/as I stare into gaping maw of unfinished business…/these recesses of untold imagination…/dark machinations of all that causes us to cease to live as our Maker intended…./we have silenced fire that burned us into refined gods of precious metal…/we have quenched gamma rays of piercing heat ….that constant reminder that pain and deep sacrifice precedes power and gifts from heaven…/enough of these times when we hear tell of exploits of others…/let us forget foibles....fling far from us fear causing us to fornicate with our foes for mere trifles....capture these autumn days and wax golden with the leaves….strong with the east wind…/majestic with the turn of trees that stand naked and unashamed…ready for diamond icicles from the throat of the winter king to come adorn…/come dream a little dream for the home we have left behind.

loss

alone and wide awake in this….dense growth of frozen opportunity…failed continuity…/I wonder when the end of this stillness will begin…/when that fiend that haunts and steals from my dreams will…/let me be…/allow me to see the promise that I know has been captured and sealed in that ….finely blown cinnamon colored jar…/writhing in....this tangible agony…/flecks of saliva seethe from between my teeth…/like crazed soulless wanderer…/I have become…stammerer…unable to speak my own victory into a solution for my doom…/soon I begin to wonder at the vastness of this God that carved his last name into depths of my swollen brain and…/through the pain of this… fresh contusion…I remember…healing springs of solace…/I find in my solitude what suddenly seemed like lost purpose…mere minutes before…/and I wonder if I can ever truly hold my godfather to ransom…/when did faith become quid pro quo…/when did I ever really know…what He had in his card stack for me…/since when did I wait for fate to show His hand before I believed and took a stand…

….when did I begin to lose my Faith.