shutter release/i capture picture of those pieces in my mind’s spaces that make it home/feng shui coaxed to the hilt/i feel at peace with the loveseat/deep red rose cushion deep/deep mahogany armoire…reservoir for colorful pieces that speak of/the places i have been/cairo…calcutta…/i maximize the space within the scene/de-clutter…./ornate lamp illuminates my eye pools...within which…/kindred…traveler waded…/shaded oasis/we bask in the sanctuary of this sweet company/fertile refuge within sand stormy desert of an otherwise dried up existence/he wallows with me/…later we rest on palm shaded lake front/leaves swaying above….you know…how those palm fronds next to that antique corner cabinet/bow to sweet breeze of our smooth conversation…/flowing freely from tongue to ear to mind to heart…/we speak ourselves to sleep…/curled up within each other…/love scent…/sweet spasms…/we dream in color…/deep earthy reds…hot browns…royal bluettes…permutations of sea green…/we decorate each other’s dreams…./so when we awake…/it is to a living space fit for framing in that perfect place in the room…reserved solely for this perfect picture.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
cycology
round and round…/my mind spins in the dreadful circle/ that is tortured thought/and I cannot find my way out of its whirling wonderings/aimless meanderings into/”how could u have done this”/”how could I have allowed that”/”negro who the fuck was that?!!!”/and I go to the psycologist to predict/where this cycology would conclude/and all she can tell me is/wait for the healing/pray for a time of unfeeling/for it will come/again for you/remember?/but I am yet unconvinced../even tho I remember the feeling of not too long ago freedom of heart/all I can see now/is my now state of cycological chaos/and I pray God for release/that time in the night when /sleep mocks me/and I am traumatized by the twittering sound of the children awake in my head/at play with the dreams that should calm them into quietude/yet I send another supplication/to the God of my father/approve my application/for the peace you boasted only You could give/and throwing the Book at Him/He cannot but see my misery/and pity His wayward child …that is me/and again He delivers me…/from the cycology of my own making/I know that tomorrow it will be better.
love’s accounts
taking stock of how things have settled on the scales/I wonder if I ever wagered to win/warning rang loud and true /at the onset of this /mad infatuation/with you/yet I limped forward/blows from all sides/warning of my impending death/in that final ringing round/still I found/ reasons to stick around/…and now chronicling my passage through tunnels/each step telling of the dearth of that once wildly burning feeling…/I see now that that was all it was…/fleeting feeling/missing the depth that makes the seas/the everlasting force they were made to be/from the foundation of our world/our foundation weak at its inception/has transformed what seemed then to be../a grand edifice /salute to our conjoined hearts/into a crumbled heap/forever mocking/our now obvious stupidity/my personal culpability/I send an apology to my heart/oh my heart! How I have wounded thee….yet again.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tales of shadow men
Kongi…my personal Barber
sections of my generous journey/dedicated to this man/everpresent force in the background/high dark stranger ran me aground/traveled the earth/pursuing me to the gates of Hades itself….and back/we have tormented each other’s spirits/now standing at the edge of ragged precipice/and I am not sure I can say those things written on my womb’s walls to save myself.
I pulled your face out of the sea of handsome strangers/when your group came trolling for omo ele/in Mozambique’s halls/harmattan Saturday night/men in their prime/beating their chests to the familiar atilogun boom of the mating call/I swayed through Abiola’s awning/and spotted your dark form/black slant eyes set on me/my pupils dilated …ignited by quick cooking pheromones/ engorged from feeding on your form/I experienced visual satisfaction/deep as that sensual cleft on your chin/hidden in plain sight by your creamy blackness/I sensed your unassuming preparedness for what we would be/this you and me/and in that moment I was lost.
U showed me where u laid your grandmother to rest amidst modakeke pomp and pageantry/then sped me through gravel earth in your father’s veeboot to that sacred first place/under deep shaded rooted trees just beyond science white house/the spirits of Ile-Ife blessed us/with the same sweet breeze that fanned legions of young loves/blossoms fed by its forever full moon/we grooved to Maxwell/quickly falling into embrace/bodies molded in heaven’s fires fit to crevice corner fit/under the shaded eves we re-invented the notion of spirit konnection/and back in my corner at dawn/I could not form the words to whisper to my curious school sisters/telling of the things I had found in you/I was yours.
And we played at love/we owned Lagos’ streets/in those places we would meet/and retouch bright burning canvasses/that told the story of verse after verse of our rhythmic recital/outside Luth/within Unilag campus gates/outside my father’s house/we made each new corner blaze with effervescent sugar dust/making memories to last forever/you knew me and I knew you
But I had to go/and we were lost for a child’s lifetime/inside personal separateness we floundered and flowered/konnection not killed/u forced your way into my eyes again at Olanike’s/laying hold of our stubborn kindred spirit/and in a now more mature match/we found our rhythm/but somewhere…along the way…again…we lost time…/once hard won harmony became chaotic malady/and this time it seemed we were truly lost.
Now u come with/arms wide open/and ask for my faith/and I long to rest in what I now know is strong and true/want to bury my face on your broad back/erase remembrance of all that once separated/exasperated/devastated/but I am weary of the pain/leery of adulation quickly turning to disdain/so I guard my entrances with diamond daggers/hold u to a princely standard/ and I say/remind me of that glorious day/when Ife brought is ife/remind me of the first time you enveloped me in your large dark skin/remind me of you/remind me of us/show me why you should be the grand finale/come alive in my spirit again/make me burn with the letter of your song/shock me into love/you know how u do…u are after all...my shadow…my beautiful black stranger.
…and you say to me…/queen of my earth/watch me work.
Expatriate (jishopo)
You marched up to me/konfidence of a king/demanding that I stand at attention/but I matched up to you/demanding your abject admiration/and there began our lifelong delve into/our strange story/night after night we would stand in that mechanical 505 haze/teeming crowd of jambites/hallowed grounds of Ifecollege/reliving the adventures your father and my mother had formed into their own love-sweet memories/when they grew under Awolowo’s watchful gaze/ransacking your mind while u learned the letter of my soul
and six years post/I saw u again/Washington DC/sweet refrain/of busy streets inside dupont’s circle/u kissed me awake/we hugged inside the miracle/that was the constant warmness preserved from youthful fellowship gone on/we talked endless face to face fast pace/then legs entwined we slowed just in case/we lost that intimacy that is/young girl’s silent dream/open knowing sensuality fodder for each young boy’s life stream/we decided to trade the fleeting pleasure of a quick bang/for the higher love we could hang/displayed portrait style on life’s wall
you were the third world in this first world/ure public meetings ended/in private we played at our legal intellectual camaraderie /we spoke of your negotiated bilats/my horrible run down philly flats/the tootsie’s of your Rwanda/the hunger in that yonder Uganda/our dream catcher calls/our slips and falls/listening to “plain white tees”/we fed each other heartfelt treats/urging the conversation into dark caveats/reliving times telling of all those hurtful faces/wandered that goergetown street/one time our lips even meet/over vodka tea/hot final night on L street
and away you flew again/Belgium to Madagascar/back to Rwanda/and I heard your voice again/but 2 days ago/warm day in fair September/transported as I always am/into the warm fingers of our comfortable hearth/through crackling connection/I hear you/world to world u caress my spirit again/leaving rosy glow/to last until the next time, after time…after time….after ..time.
Salute to kadekanye
Voluptuous lips/creamy brown skin/tooth memoir from one of your seizure scenes/I remember that afternoon your hand wandered to one majestic peak/and I casually brushed it away/hiding my fear of the possibilities/yet not ashamed of the quickening in my woman core/u single handedly handed me the key to my mind’s clitoris/and I began to ravage myself/I found sweet spots/overflowing with sweet mead/and I caught each bead/of intellectual woman cum/savoring its graceful fluidity/golden molten liquidity/brought home to me/ who I was made to be/at your hand I learned to tame the wild war whore/that could banish me to unending hell of vicious promiscuity/and now on a tight reign/I stand unafraid of the savage in me/adventurous unafraid sexuality/I leave in my wake a trail of amazement at the paths I am willing to take/to places my fellows only see within their dream seams/I am bold conqueress/master my masters with finesse/now wily warrior schooled in the finest arts/in victory I plunder/useless vices I cast asunder/and I emerge proud and bold/graduate of that schoolhouse in Ifetown/that begun that afternoon/when rain pelting against mosquito netted window/I refused to let you explore my body /yet u ordered me to cum forth/and in singleminded mindfuck/u gave me sweet release/endless orgasms/causing me to come and come and come into my own
Ugly face/voice of the gods/first spirit son of the deep/sprout from your mother’s fertile soil/u were tall/u quietly boomed in my ears/we connected under the dim lit streets of road 1/drawn by identical love for life/unashamed in our blatant self adulation/symbiotic mind feed …in moderation/then suddenly it was over/now I catch glimpses of you/face in a crowd/cocktail/gallery/and I smile and remember/how our voices bounced off the walls of Awo hall/that long ago time ago/when we were babes in a new land in the Yoruba west.
Piano Man (misreal)
Young and fearless/I looked mile high into your deepset purple eyes/man!..he was tall!/dark face set in constant concrete frame/structured by the intelligence gods/bright beauty burned behind the tight skin enfolding your skull/you brought my young dark dreams to my own face/crudely showed me what a man was/from that corner cabinet room in Lag/I carried away with me a bag/full of memories/the “everything but girl”/learned at the hands of a ruthless master/tutored in the arts of seductive submission by your age/your sage/your rage/at the unfairness of your world/that you only revealed through the ivory keys of your piano/playing my ivory baby skin/u made naked angry music/and I learned well/and grew away/and when I see you today/through my mild revulsion/I have…. some fond recollection/ghostly refrain of the last notes/skin song forever.
MidSeptember 2008
Titleless thoughts
Running from the blackguard of that blue day/I smell the call of deliverance from disaster/ah ah!.../that sudden show of indifference from former friend now new foe/and I can see clearly ure/fickle mind/dirty soul/weak self-deceptive spirit/I had come close to total defiance of that whisper sound /that demanded unflinching truth/jagged reality/now I redeem my voice/revive my vitals/ and recite back to my own thought / ”u were groomed for a higher throne/throw on you mantle/and let your blue blood sing”.
Lies surmount lies/open cancerous sores/easily i see through miserable suppuration to the sinew of the matter/and I would rather/not any more accept as the what is…/your half words/half good/half you/some peace/some piece of us/ping!!..slap!!...just some goddamn coin toss…/when the hell did we begin this frightening pattern of/leaving our head’s health to chance/how about we recognize/true blue for what it has always been/the here and now finality of the inky black sky/culminating a warm summer day/continuing into the unshaken belief in the sunrise vision coming tomorrow we hold in the same eyes with which we saw tomorrows gone past/lets postpone the seemingly inevitable procrastination/and make things good now/lets just fucking begin here!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
untouched in my coconut cocoa scented cocoon/I hear my father’s favored song/as he sang it that time in May/celebrity man of war/he fought the fight for me with his faith/I feel his fervor from freelands far away/and I allow the sweet sound to pour over me/this ....inexplicable peace.../over….over…/i…/hold the sweetness to my tongue and…savor/the spirit of his majestic soul sound/the typhoon that is my thots/now challenged by unshaken response/senseless assurance/storm quelled by uncompromising performance/I am sure I will close to a full house/thunderous applause signaling the end of an existence/dedicated to lessons learned/understanding the finer things/….how can I but throw my fingers to the clouds and whisper…damn!....who said God is not God.
He watches her/as she dents her pulse points/oil…/scent meets scent/preparing her for her latest foray/into the cavedom far from her sanctuary/thinking all is unknown/her love of long ago/is powerless to pull her/into his embrace…once able to invoke the smoken scent of familiar love/he stills his mind/yet his darkeyes follow her across the room/pendulum tock/steeling his heart against the image of the cad/stealing into HIS sanctuary/plucking the breath from his lungs/his touch on her back/she pulls away/evading his breath on her neck/she cannot remember her/satisfied sighs of free comfort/in her bold boy’s arms/her lust driving her further and further away/from her hearth now cold/dead embers of unappreciated ardor/she rebuffs the husband of her heart/housing her hope/in a callous hunter/consumed by the raging bushfire he has set in her desert heart/she slams the door/secret streetwalker/in her mind swaying dreams of her co-fornicator’s rabid touch/diseased “hickies”/ poisoning from blood to bone/deep in her reverie she does not think to look/wham!!!!/rag doll rolling over the dark silken hood of that deadly Fiat/smack!!! sickening crunch!/Fiat over extended pulse point/Fiat slinks away/life slowly leaving her/dying heart whispers for her life-love/but he does not hear/he does not care/he watches as she dies/from across the street/black fiat blackened window/black eyes/jealousy blackened heart/now two dead hearts/never to live again.
From the depths of my untapped thot/rose boiling vision/of how my soul has grown/birth to now/never one to bow/to the curveballs flying round every corner/and tick- tock, tick-tock/ the grandfather keeps time/telling of each sullen sentiment/ wounded moment/each breach/each../reach for a one better than the last/greater than what has gone past/and I make a sweet symphony from/my cries of victory/harmonizing with those wails of present and long forgotten misery/large music to match my mission/vision given to me at my inception/I still follow/willing slave to His plan/trusting that in His time/this cactus will blossom for me.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
….bleeding all over my carpet/I watch the red rose scent ooze with the spirit of your letter/"…I fucked up…please forgive me…I miss u badly…"/well I miss…. /easy love/blessed with the knowing surety of /clambering over the high barbed gates of ever new challenge/seeing me as we/how do I resurrect that crazy wantingyouness of mere months ago and make it into/beingwithyou now/ my mind is shocked into admiration at my own glorious victory/I said fly away stranger/and u flew around right back to me/don’t u see/we are lost/u and me/locked away in the restingplace of regret reserved for lost lovers’ minds/too far gone to remember the way back home/to the center portrait on that mantle only by Abayomi’s hand/that wld have proudly proclaimed a happy ending/to our seven year interlude/back to earth/I see the roses /as they are/possible beauty…until they bleed away/as they are doing just now/all over my carpet/which strangely still bears ure footprint/from November’s chill rosy dusk/that last time u were here.
…now when all the breast beats have been silenced/u come thru that quiet…/now benevolent/giving all that I had grasped for but u had held back all so violently once before/and now../I hate ure gestures of wanting me to want u/of showing me how u hold me/now..up high/why could u not have told me that u wanted to enfold me in your tender thoughts/that time not so long ago/when I would have bowed my proud head/for us/now u are back and all I can give u is my back/ …summoning my heart up/away from your bittersweet late promises/no more…/I have risen above my shackles on that prison floor/and I can boldly say/naaa baby…not this one this time.
battle
..i asked Naa/why we always seem to want more/than the simple/maybe its us/maybe its all the fuss/that we make of what seems to be unreachable/untamable/unchangeable/mystical madness/that draws us into its deep confusing depths/where we revel in our exquisite torture/we treasure the challenge of/unbridled love-hate/relations that hurt and command us/to kneel and we/do…./when will we allow ourselves to see/that we don’t have to be/here/that we can be free…/maybe alone…/maybe …/but still../free.
The wasted spirit of the little mother/who sits and wonders/at the babe/feeble in her arms/twin minds/lifetime soul children/she wonder as he does/when her next meal will come/her nascent breasts/unnatural overflow/grotesque glow/of fear shines through her bossom/and she drinks him in/even as he feeds through her skin/seeing the face of the donor to life/tho not of her life/nor of the life/of the offspring/he sprung from heaven’s fields/and she is petrified by the image of the force she holds in her hands/love hate desire- raging ire/look...he is done/and strangely/his suckling has renewed those eddying embers/of forgotten feeling/and the billows from the bowels of her woman spring/fan her into awake ness/she looks down at the face of betrayal/and she cannot help herself/yet again she falls in love/for the thousandth and one time/that day/with the way he is the way he is/with lust child of her lost youth/maybe not so lost…not so wasted after all.
Call of obligation/fervent supplication/I am at the slippers of my Maker/asking for just that small slice of wise/that will show me how/to furnish each day with renewed spirit/vivid energy/to empower my every /song/that gong/that heralds us closer/to a place of peace/rest/success/no duress/harmony with all/never too small to acknowledge the largess/the wonder/that is around me/that surrounds us/now/rather I speak no more/now/let me just show me
…damn baby…./sucking sounds as your lips close over my lips/and I feel u drinking in the milk of my life entrance/and I think…/damn baby…/twas never like this before…/soft pillows…/twin mounds of me…./smaller pillows…twin bulbs of you…/those imperfect circles created for this perfect pleasure/damn baby…./did u think it wld be…./this true…/that tight…./this ….good/and u…damn baby…gave me unnecessary spasms…because…/I am beyond that point of no return…/devoid of thot…/all feeling…/teeming…./your sweat….fingers dip some and then some…/damn baby…/we fuck like we can see those pulse points we want to run through…touch too…/fuck you for u to fuck me…./didn’t u know I knew what u were doing…when u were…doing that thing u did….(deep laugh…)….jerking….bent over….down low…like u told me to….damn baby….did u ever know…we wld be…this kinda good kinda dirty….
…nothing like…/seeing the deliciousness of your blackness/my brightness/our closeness…for the first time/but yet…why does it seem like we are having seconds…/tainted by the stained love of time gone on…/we are bringing the colorous mud../of dismissed lovers into the scented scene of our canvass…/our beingness/our trusted oneness…/bitter aftertaste of molded dark chocolate/ bile like fiery remembrance of burns/ sharp haze…/lets…just…./order baby….me for you and you for me…./lets just…/ forget brunch…./fast tomorrow…/no dessert after dinner…./fill up on each other now…./no seconds.
Love play of we
We make plans of how we would…/get to know those secret things/discover those secret places/learn those intricate spaces/that have pleasured us/ through the years/that we have prepared /through all those fears/for this ultimate foray/into the depths of you and me/and for once/here are two who can speak of how/we will tear away boundaries …real and imaginary/and take and plunder…./personal parodies/making them into seasons of you…of me…of we.
Brown boy/red shorts/checkered pocket over your heart/there you kept a postcard of me/and for that interval/I felt your every heartpulse/through love/loss/remorse/here we are/we were tiny dots/making our way/through a sea of child destinies/perverted landscape/dotted by unseen landmines/of pain/and here we are again/war wounds/raw/reshapen/to be/ to love/you and me/me and my beautiful brown boy.
Oneday/I woke up and I did not think of you/toast and tea/a life…absent…just for me/walked out/shouting streets/him and him and him/still u I did not think of you/….depositions….raheem…Calcutta, Dubai?/still no you/….cats …like in cuba…one on the base….hollow gongong of drums/smooth silhouettes of lyrical madness/just like we liked it/during those early endless convos/…..still no you…/train takes…tattletatas me home/….up the steps…/my loft…./a ring….come on up wahkeem…/door opens…./sigh of satisfaction/wine/benefactor…/still no you…./no more you…./that oneday.
in my wombs tunnel I hear echoes of your tunnel/those times when u filled me with your screams/and I am dismayed/for these long ago sounds speak of loss/of a time of expectation/anticipation/when I waited with jagged breath tearing through my teeth/tongue dry awaiting the wetness to cum/rain from your loins/sugarspeak/giving me words I did not know I had/words I refused to speak/u refused to utter/unfeeling promises of what cld be/but u wldnt allow us to see/whistling spirits/telling of hours, minutes/seconds of me and us/but they die again/into faraway sounds/painful pangs/echoing forever…
awakened from the illusion of my heart’s creation/I am stunned by the rudeness/upset by the crudeness/but empowered by reality brought to my eyes by my own hand/and I am impressed by my ability/to see that/a two way street is a narrow jagged path/until trudged by two hand in hand/soul to soul/not one in front and behind/but side by side/unafraid/unashamed/towards a present or even an imminent sweetness/a togetherness an infiniteness/back and forth again and again/but/this is not us/this was myfoolish organization/now all chaotic loss/because now I am awake/wide…well…awake
….ticking timebomb at the gateway to life/the horeseman’s horn is calling for its lady lust/…. rivers are overflowing,gusting,moaning to be dammed../not fearing to be eternally damned to a lifetimetillthedeath of need…/measured by the stride of the hornometer
…I can feel you full/pulsating sheath of life….straining to be released/can you feel me quivering mass of sexenergy/swirling white foam from my souls unending epileptic episode/crazing/straining/yet waiting (albeit impatiently)…../following the peculiartime trail of the hornometer….
….when will we be set free….
(…wry laugh)…
vacillating between seconds of anger and love for you/I still cannot find myself/maybe if you told me you hated me/wanted me/gave up on me/I would find release for the burning noise in my chest/that wells up when I think of/ how you held me encased in your long brown limbs/so brown/or how you kissed me/all the pent up passion/of love unrealized/unidentified/unsupervised/or how you lifted me up with such ease/one swift movement/and I was beneath you/clinging to you/holding you/or how I looked into your mahogany eyes/perfect outfit with your mahogany face/your mahogany hands/you mahogany you/and i learnt you all over again/I breathed in your frame/and I was lost/no longer knowing where I ended and you began/or when I kissed your navel; my tongue making love swirls/leaving a track of my juice on you/ for you to trace/when you need to find your way to my heart/my lust/my own longing for you/i recognize your lantern in me/sweet gentle flame/steadfast/burning brighter than the brightest suns of lost hopes and desires/of loves gained/but unreal/unsatisfying/ending/bcos with you again I know have to begin/refind my onewithmyselfness/and I can only give in and throw my hands to my head/and say ha!/amara/here u go again…
birdsong
.....tatafo/crazy birdsong/telltale truthteller/mocking me awake/and it is early/that fleeting time between sleepwake/dawndusk/razzo..i say /how can u tell my refined thots/u r crass/unknowing/screeching/tatafo/but no matter/i hear the thrill of truth in your raucous shrill/surly/ unyeilding/unbending/orderly misconduct has brought me here/dancing the frenzied atilogun/fathersong/bringing me/back up to the lovevillain/my steps/echoing the pain of loongagaogoodbyes/today’s pounding.. heated... longingfor/...and i am awake/ah ahh/why did tatafo bring me to the truthprecipiece/then crazy zigzag fly away/ah!/what if he does not bungle his way back!?
12/17/05
We walk down the halls/ghosts/ yet painfully seeing our own invisibility/
Dark dots/before their irises/but once their eyes clear/ the dark dots disappear/
Sometimes they apologetically snarl/ when an unfamiliar smell wafts by/
Embarrassed to feel the scent/gently try to scrub the smell from their minds/
Gently bcos /the stain remains for a short time as always/
And we become invisible again/we alone seeing our own painful invisibility/.
Song for Sosoliso (do you....reeeemem..ber...them?)
A flash of light/ and lights go off/
Slight of hand/and the fingers close their eyes/
The sigh of a child/ of all the children/
Feather light touch/of their souls on mother’s cheeks
The late hour/ is crying tomorrow’s tears
Naked breeze/ fan the clouds/
And weep for Sosoliso’s children/
i look down into the serious expressiveness of your visage and in the blankness i see quiet screams/ i hear the pull of your bodi as it calls to the pains of mine/ each spasm is echoed by a counter attack/ answering the call of spiritual sensuality/ overawing sexuality and i am pulling/ willing the release of scared sound/fast furious breath/ we are in a dark driving cave/ faster and faster i buck above you/ i am one with my horse i feel his power riding below me/ matching stride for stride/ urging me on faster even as i urge him on/ he is the spirit embedded in the drumbeat of my blood/ see the end of the beginning of the mountain track/ i slow/ then i realize that it is but a mirage/ the burst of the sun is still a hard joyful ride beyond the mountain's nipples/ and so on i fly/ glorying, basking in the slowly revealed dust rays/ of the sun of orgasmic pleasure/ i come/ you come/ we have fucked to the death/ we are no more/ we have begun/ the scream is released into my soul/ i whisper it for you/to you/i want to go again
Kayode
i fuck from my soul/with tenderness/withan intention of loving uinto the very core ofthe stars, themselves.i want to banish vistas ofpalm trees at nite/oflong lonely shadows/ofquietude/of themoon/of me,nameless without u.
the call of living soft as the instep of a child
still i listen, far beneath deep
to the silent screams of the winds of my heart's shores
she cries…..cries to the gods of love, the love of my life, the love of you.
(the innocence of that time today makes me chuckle derisively)
