cycology

round and round…/my mind spins in the dreadful circle/ that is tortured thought/and I cannot find my way out of its whirling wonderings/aimless meanderings into/”how could u have done this”/”how could I have allowed that”/”negro who the fuck was that?!!!”/and I go to the psycologist to predict/where this cycology would conclude/and all she can tell me is/wait for the healing/pray for a time of unfeeling/for it will come/again for you/remember?/but I am yet unconvinced../even tho I remember the feeling of not too long ago freedom of heart/all I can see now/is my now state of cycological chaos/and I pray God for release/that time in the night when /sleep mocks me/and I am traumatized by the twittering sound of the children awake in my head/at play with the dreams that should calm them into quietude/yet I send another supplication/to the God of my father/approve my application/for the peace you boasted only You could give/and throwing the Book at Him/He cannot but see my misery/and pity His wayward child …that is me/and again He delivers me…/from the cycology of my own making/I know that tomorrow it will be better.

love’s accounts

taking stock of how things have settled on the scales/I wonder if I ever wagered to win/warning rang loud and true /at the onset of this /mad infatuation/with you/yet I limped forward/blows from all sides/warning of my impending death/in that final ringing round/still I found/ reasons to stick around/…and now chronicling my passage through tunnels/each step telling of the dearth of that once wildly burning feeling…/I see now that that was all it was…/fleeting feeling/missing the depth that makes the seas/the everlasting force they were made to be/from the foundation of our world/our foundation weak at its inception/has transformed what seemed then to be../a grand edifice /salute to our conjoined hearts/into a crumbled heap/forever mocking/our now obvious stupidity/my personal culpability/I send an apology to my heart/oh my heart! How I have wounded thee….yet again.

Tales of shadow men

Kongi…my personal Barber

sections of my generous journey/dedicated to this man/everpresent force in the background/high dark stranger ran me aground/traveled the earth/pursuing me to the gates of Hades itself….and back/we have tormented each other’s spirits/now standing at the edge of ragged precipice/and I am not sure I can say those things written on my womb’s walls to save myself.

I pulled your face out of the sea of handsome strangers/when your group came trolling for omo ele/in Mozambique’s halls/harmattan Saturday night/men in their prime/beating their chests to the familiar atilogun boom of the mating call/I swayed through Abiola’s awning/and spotted your dark form/black slant eyes set on me/my pupils dilated …ignited by quick cooking pheromones/ engorged from feeding on your form/I experienced visual satisfaction/deep as that sensual cleft on your chin/hidden in plain sight by your creamy blackness/I sensed your unassuming preparedness for what we would be/this you and me/and in that moment I was lost.

U showed me where u laid your grandmother to rest amidst modakeke pomp and pageantry/then sped me through gravel earth in your father’s veeboot to that sacred first place/under deep shaded rooted trees just beyond science white house/the spirits of Ile-Ife blessed us/with the same sweet breeze that fanned legions of young loves/blossoms fed by its forever full moon/we grooved to Maxwell/quickly falling into embrace/bodies molded in heaven’s fires fit to crevice corner fit/under the shaded eves we re-invented the notion of spirit konnection/and back in my corner at dawn/I could not form the words to whisper to my curious school sisters/telling of the things I had found in you/I was yours.

And we played at love/we owned Lagos’ streets/in those places we would meet/and retouch bright burning canvasses/that told the story of verse after verse of our rhythmic recital/outside Luth/within Unilag campus gates/outside my father’s house/we made each new corner blaze with effervescent sugar dust/making memories to last forever/you knew me and I knew you

But I had to go/and we were lost for a child’s lifetime/inside personal separateness we floundered and flowered/konnection not killed/u forced your way into my eyes again at Olanike’s/laying hold of our stubborn kindred spirit/and in a now more mature match/we found our rhythm/but somewhere…along the way…again…we lost time…/once hard won harmony became chaotic malady/and this time it seemed we were truly lost.

Now u come with/arms wide open/and ask for my faith/and I long to rest in what I now know is strong and true/want to bury my face on your broad back/erase remembrance of all that once separated/exasperated/devastated/but I am weary of the pain/leery of adulation quickly turning to disdain/so I guard my entrances with diamond daggers/hold u to a princely standard/ and I say/remind me of that glorious day/when Ife brought is ife/remind me of the first time you enveloped me in your large dark skin/remind me of you/remind me of us/show me why you should be the grand finale/come alive in my spirit again/make me burn with the letter of your song/shock me into love/you know how u do…u are after all...my shadow…my beautiful black stranger.

…and you say to me…/queen of my earth/watch me work.

Expatriate (jishopo)

You marched up to me/konfidence of a king/demanding that I stand at attention/but I matched up to you/demanding your abject admiration/and there began our lifelong delve into/our strange story/night after night we would stand in that mechanical 505 haze/teeming crowd of jambites/hallowed grounds of Ifecollege/reliving the adventures your father and my mother had formed into their own love-sweet memories/when they grew under Awolowo’s watchful gaze/ransacking your mind while u learned the letter of my soul

and six years post/I saw u again/Washington DC/sweet refrain/of busy streets inside dupont’s circle/u kissed me awake/we hugged inside the miracle/that was the constant warmness preserved from youthful fellowship gone on/we talked endless face to face fast pace/then legs entwined we slowed just in case/we lost that intimacy that is/young girl’s silent dream/open knowing sensuality fodder for each young boy’s life stream/we decided to trade the fleeting pleasure of a quick bang/for the higher love we could hang/displayed portrait style on life’s wall

you were the third world in this first world/ure public meetings ended/in private we played at our legal intellectual camaraderie /we spoke of your negotiated bilats/my horrible run down philly flats/the tootsie’s of your Rwanda/the hunger in that yonder Uganda/our dream catcher calls/our slips and falls/listening to “plain white tees”/we fed each other heartfelt treats/urging the conversation into dark caveats/reliving times telling of all those hurtful faces/wandered that goergetown street/one time our lips even meet/over vodka tea/hot final night on L street

and away you flew again/Belgium to Madagascar/back to Rwanda/and I heard your voice again/but 2 days ago/warm day in fair September/transported as I always am/into the warm fingers of our comfortable hearth/through crackling connection/I hear you/world to world u caress my spirit again/leaving rosy glow/to last until the next time, after time…after time….after ..time.

Salute to kadekanye

Voluptuous lips/creamy brown skin/tooth memoir from one of your seizure scenes/I remember that afternoon your hand wandered to one majestic peak/and I casually brushed it away/hiding my fear of the possibilities/yet not ashamed of the quickening in my woman core/u single handedly handed me the key to my mind’s clitoris/and I began to ravage myself/I found sweet spots/overflowing with sweet mead/and I caught each bead/of intellectual woman cum/savoring its graceful fluidity/golden molten liquidity/brought home to me/ who I was made to be/at your hand I learned to tame the wild war whore/that could banish me to unending hell of vicious promiscuity/and now on a tight reign/I stand unafraid of the savage in me/adventurous unafraid sexuality/I leave in my wake a trail of amazement at the paths I am willing to take/to places my fellows only see within their dream seams/I am bold conqueress/master my masters with finesse/now wily warrior schooled in the finest arts/in victory I plunder/useless vices I cast asunder/and I emerge proud and bold/graduate of that schoolhouse in Ifetown/that begun that afternoon/when rain pelting against mosquito netted window/I refused to let you explore my body /yet u ordered me to cum forth/and in singleminded mindfuck/u gave me sweet release/endless orgasms/causing me to come and come and come into my own

Voice of the gods (madepo)

Ugly face/voice of the gods/first spirit son of the deep/sprout from your mother’s fertile soil/u were tall/u quietly boomed in my ears/we connected under the dim lit streets of road 1/drawn by identical love for life/unashamed in our blatant self adulation/symbiotic mind feed …in moderation/then suddenly it was over/now I catch glimpses of you/face in a crowd/cocktail/gallery/and I smile and remember/how our voices bounced off the walls of Awo hall/that long ago time ago/when we were babes in a new land in the Yoruba west.

Piano Man (misreal)

Young and fearless/I looked mile high into your deepset purple eyes/man!..he was tall!/dark face set in constant concrete frame/structured by the intelligence gods/bright beauty burned behind the tight skin enfolding your skull/you brought my young dark dreams to my own face/crudely showed me what a man was/from that corner cabinet room in Lag/I carried away with me a bag/full of memories/the “everything but girl”/learned at the hands of a ruthless master/tutored in the arts of seductive submission by your age/your sage/your rage/at the unfairness of your world/that you only revealed through the ivory keys of your piano/playing my ivory baby skin/u made naked angry music/and I learned well/and grew away/and when I see you today/through my mild revulsion/I have…. some fond recollection/ghostly refrain of the last notes/skin song forever.

MidSeptember 2008

Titleless thoughts

Running from the blackguard of that blue day/I smell the call of deliverance from disaster/ah ah!.../that sudden show of indifference from former friend now new foe/and I can see clearly ure/fickle mind/dirty soul/weak self-deceptive spirit/I had come close to total defiance of that whisper sound /that demanded unflinching truth/jagged reality/now I redeem my voice/revive my vitals/ and recite back to my own thought / ”u were groomed for a higher throne/throw on you mantle/and let your blue blood sing”.

Lies surmount lies/open cancerous sores/easily i see through miserable suppuration to the sinew of the matter/and I would rather/not any more accept as the what is…/your half words/half good/half you/some peace/some piece of us/ping!!..slap!!...just some goddamn coin toss…/when the hell did we begin this frightening pattern of/leaving our head’s health to chance/how about we recognize/true blue for what it has always been/the here and now finality of the inky black sky/culminating a warm summer day/continuing into the unshaken belief in the sunrise vision coming tomorrow we hold in the same eyes with which we saw tomorrows gone past/lets postpone the seemingly inevitable procrastination/and make things good now/lets just fucking begin here!

For Kayode (my muse and soulbrother that discovered me)

i fuck from my soul/with tenderness/with an intention of loving u into the very core of the stars, themselves. i want to banish vistas of palm trees at nite/of long lonely shadows/of quietude/of the moon/of me, nameless without u.

…and He gave me inexplicable peace…

untouched in my coconut cocoa scented cocoon/I hear my father’s favored song/as he sang it that time in May/celebrity man of war/he fought the fight for me with his faith/I feel his fervor from freelands far away/and I allow the sweet sound to pour over me/this ....inexplicable peace.../over….over…/i…/hold the sweetness to my tongue and…savor/the spirit of his majestic soul sound/the typhoon that is my thots/now challenged by unshaken response/senseless assurance/storm quelled by uncompromising performance/I am sure I will close to a full house/thunderous applause signaling the end of an existence/dedicated to lessons learned/understanding the finer things/….how can I but throw my fingers to the clouds and whisper…damn!....who said God is not God.

The Cuckold

He watches her/as she dents her pulse points/oil…/scent meets scent/preparing her for her latest foray/into the cavedom far from her sanctuary/thinking all is unknown/her love of long ago/is powerless to pull her/into his embrace…once able to invoke the smoken scent of familiar love/he stills his mind/yet his darkeyes follow her across the room/pendulum tock/steeling his heart against the image of the cad/stealing into HIS sanctuary/plucking the breath from his lungs/his touch on her back/she pulls away/evading his breath on her neck/she cannot remember her/satisfied sighs of free comfort/in her bold boy’s arms/her lust driving her further and further away/from her hearth now cold/dead embers of unappreciated ardor/she rebuffs the husband of her heart/housing her hope/in a callous hunter/consumed by the raging bushfire he has set in her desert heart/she slams the door/secret streetwalker/in her mind swaying dreams of her co-fornicator’s rabid touch/diseased “hickies”/ poisoning from blood to bone/deep in her reverie she does not think to look/wham!!!!/rag doll rolling over the dark silken hood of that deadly Fiat/smack!!! sickening crunch!/Fiat over extended pulse point/Fiat slinks away/life slowly leaving her/dying heart whispers for her life-love/but he does not hear/he does not care/he watches as she dies/from across the street/black fiat blackened window/black eyes/jealousy blackened heart/now two dead hearts/never to live again.